The Postman Knows
The Postman knows the village well,
For he’s lived there since a boy,
There’s many a tale that he could tell
And plenty of folk he’d annoy.
He’d tell you the child with hair so curly
Never arrived a whole month early,
He saw her mum at the garden gate
Kissing the chap at thirty eight!
He’d tell you the man with cold blue eyes
Has plenty of reason to feel despised,
He’s got a new name but they live in fear
Of his furtive glance and wicked leer.
Now for the post along Talltrees Lane,
That semi will never feel the same
Since the owner died in the garden shed
And only a month after he was wed,
Trying to mend the electric mower,
Poor young wife - but he didn’t know her.
Now for the dog that grabs your shins
Owned by the woman with too many chins,
It’s lucky for her she gets little post,
It’s one of the houses he dreads the most.
On to the house that was recently burgled,
Is that the fence that the burglar hurdled?
And chased by the hound at forty-three
- So it’s got its uses he’ll have to agree.
Now for the post along Russets Grove
It’s Mavis Davis who lives in this road,
Yes, Mavis Davis, that’s really her name
Moved down here from Honeypot Lane,
Her husband ran off with the lodger, you know,
And he moved to a cottage in Churchyard Row.
Now for the farm and the new estate
Then he’ll stop for a coffee and the rest can wait.

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